Witch Consumer Magazine, review of the leader boared top three LLMs "Conformité Ecologique" (the ubiquitous CE marque)

 

Witch Consumer Magazine, review of the leader boared top three LLMs "Conformité Ecologique"  (the ubiquitous CE marque)

We analyzed the CE claims of the following three large languish models, with respect to four key metrics for the Ecologique, as agreed in European law, namely enthalpy, internet pollution (measured in LoCS -- libraries of congress), bio-dediversification,and general contribution towards the heat death of the universe.

Currently, according to the boared, these are the top-of-the-heap in terms of hype-parameters:

The Faux Corperation's Pinocchio

Astravista's Libration

Sitting Duck's Nine Billion Dogma

We hired some prompt engineers to devise a suitably timely benchmark suite, and embedded the the three systems in our whim tunnel taking care to emulate all aspects of the open road to avoid any repeat of the folk's wagon farage.

Indeed, we used all three systems to design the whim tunnel, and compared the designs to within an inch of their lives until we were satisfied that this was a suitably level playing field on which to evaluate.

The benchmark suite will be made avaialble later, but for now, suffice it to say that we were able to exceed the central limit theorem requirements, so that our confidence is running high that the results are both meaningful, and potentially explainable, but certainly not excusable.

Enthalpy

Pinocchio

Pinocchio ran very hot, both during training and during every day use.

Libration

Libration was about half the temperature of Pinocchio

Dogma 

Roughly 12.332 times less than the next worst.

Pollution

Pinocchio

The Internet was worse off after this tool was used by 

approximately 3 LoCs

Libration

Again about a half as bad

Dogma

Was difficult to measure as the system never stabilised, but oscillated between getting worse,                     and then better, however,  the improvements were usually half the degradations.

de-diversification

Dogma

This was a shock - we expected better, but in fact the outcome was really rapid removal of                         variance.

Libration 

Around half as bad as Dogma

Pinocchio

very slightly less bad than Libration

Entropy

Libration

Excess use of Libration could bring the heath death of the  universe closer about 11 times faster                 than a herd of small children failing to tidy up their rooms

Pinocchio

Absurdly only 3x better than Libration.

Dogma

Appeared to gain from the Poppins effect, and generally ended up  tidier than before

Some critics have pointed out that Enhalpy and Entropy are two sides of the same coin, and pollution is likely simply the inverse of de-diversification, nevertheless,  we proceeded to evaluate all four in case later we might find different.

In general, none of these products meet the threshold for a CE mark, and for your health, and sanity, we strongly recommend that you do not use any of them, especially if you are in the business of prediction. Next week, we will review a slew of probablistic programming models with a special emphasis on the cleanliness of the Metropolitan Hastings line.