postman pidge

 I'm getting very tired of the infestation of sky rats (as germans call pigeons) in london - they make a mess, are unbearably stupid at getting in the way of cars and cyclists and pedestrians, and serve no obvious use - apparently, they taste so awful that none of the cats or urban foxes in our area will devour them. We need a solution fast.

I asked folks about putting up a hawk silhouette, but apparently this would scare off all birds indiscriminately and we have meadow grass for the express purpose of having some nice critters like our garden space, which any others do, when not flocked out by aforesaid grey menace.

I'm also not a fan of drone delivery systems - ok, for crop spraying or parcels going across to the Orkneys, that's fine, but in urban spaces, those quad copters are just too noisy.

I've considered getting a slingshot, to practice taking out both the pigeons and drones (2 birds with 1 stone, even - if one was lucky could crash the drone into the pigeon or vice versa) - could even be a game, but then there are the neighbours windows, and the people down below to worry about, so that probably doesn't fly (ha ha).

so then I thought about building drones with wings instead of rotors, and then, designing the drones to tackle the pigeons - even further, could we use pigeon as a form of biofuel for the drone, fitting them into the ecosystem in a special sustainable postal niche? seemed possible but tricky bio-engineering.

So then it occurred to me the answer was much more obvious, and more obviously darwinian. 

What we need is a hawk that looks like a pigeon, can cary more than a pigeon, finds its way like a pigeon, and lives on pigeons. Hopefully, the cross breeding programme can just be done right away and doesn't need any GM flocks, though in this case, I am not against it.

I can imagine a society of hawks (or perhaps falcons or some other raptor) living in a very aristocratic manner, serving humans as friends, not slaves, whilst the "cattle" are bred and kept high up on rooftops as fuel.  Cities would once more be adroned with beautiful creatures instead of ugly grey winged rodents, and the postal service would be quiet, prompt, and free, if occasioally stained with pigeon blood.

I can see no downsides.